there is a picture of me from when i’m eleven years old. i’m in my bathing suit on a floating dock with my sister and my brother. under my armpits you can see long armpit hair. my armpit hair was brand new then. it’s a beautiful picture. i look so beautiful. it’s so fucked to think how much drama that hair would bring.
i love my armpit hair. i liked it when it first grew there too. i liked the feel of it. but i knew that i’d be made fun of for it. i knew without question. so, at the prospect of going swimming with my friends, i went into the bathroom and picked up a shaving razor i found in there. i ran it over my armpits without soap or water because i was eleven years old and i didn’t know how shaving worked. i cut myself and bled but i got rid of most of the hair. that’s when i started shaving. i had to shave every day if my armpits were going to be exposed. stubble seemed to come back really fast. my armpits were always sore and red and full of little irritation bumps because i shaved so much. i went through periods where i just didn’t shave but at these times i always covered my armpits.
years passed. i went through a lot of shit. i moved to toronto at the age of sixteen and pretty much immersed myself in the queer scene. it was there, as a dyke, that i first gained the confidence and courage to show off my hairy armpits. i would go months without shaving and wear little dresses and give the finger to people who stared. i dated a grrrl who didn’t shave her armpits either. i became aware of just how shocking it was to people. people literally do a double take. i raised my hand to answer a question in school and the whole class burst out laughing. this has happened to me in different classes.
there was a boy i liked and i wanted to impress him in that hetero-normative way. so whenever i’d see him (which wasn’t that often) i’d shave my armpits. i felt like i was betraying myself. i felt weird. i didn’t like the look of my bare naked armpits but i was scared of what he might say or think if he saw my natural hair.
shortly after i turned seventeen i tried to kill myself. but i realized that i didn’t want to die. i realized my life was pretty fucked up and i had to start being honest with myself about how i really felt, about everything. no more bullshit, or at least, i wanted to start on the path to no more bullshit. i didn’t want to be unhappy anymore. i wanted to be loved for who i am, not for who i can pretend to be. i stopped shaving my armpits and haven’t shaved them since.
i continued to experience harassment and jokes about my armpit hair but it didn’t faze me too much. i was confident in my body and sexuality. my armpit hair felt like a representation of my sexuality, my lust, my womanhood, my carnal, animal nature. i think it’s really sexy. and i knew other people did too, they were just scared. scared because female armpit hair is totally erased from western cultural imagination. it seemed to people that i was doing this on purpose, causing the hair to grow, rather than simply choosing not to remove it. there were times when i felt really embarrassed when i was made to be a laughingstock, but it didn’t stop me. i felt so comfortable in my skin.
when i was nineteen i went to a local show with my sister. i was dancing around and acting crazy, and i was the only grrrl doing so. i was wearing a tanktop. the singer in the band said into the mic “the girl with the red hair (me) really needs to shave her fucking armpits”. people were laughing at me. people were throwing shit at me. i was giving these people the finger and raising my arm, showing off the hair. then a guy punched me in the face, knocking my glasses off. i tried to hit him back but another guy caught my arm and restrained me. i was pushed, shoved and hit by a group of guys. my shirt was pulled down during all of this. my sister’s arms were restrained. i was dragged out on my back by my pigtails, down some stairs and my head was smashed into a pole along the way. it was fucked up and very, very traumatizing. nothing like that had ever happened to me before. after that people would pass the store i worked at in the mall and shout ‘shave your armpits!’ at me while i was working.
i didn’t pick up a razor though. fuck it. i know who i am and i can’t pretend to be anyone else. i love the curl of hair under my arms. i love the sweat smell that lingers there. i love running my fingers through it. fuck the haters. fuck them. i really hope i don’t get beat up again. but i’m not going to shave my fuckin armpits.
Sigh… A herero-normative guy just announced his repulsion to my armpit hair because ‘he has never been exposed hair there on a women in his life’ and ‘it’s just how he has been conditioned’ and that is saaaaad. I have always been exposed to it. We web to the same high school. How is it that…? Does he live in an alternate universe where girls jut dont grow body hair!? Hahahah, he also thinks I’m really gross cuz I wipe my snot on hands and sometimes rub it on my leg hair or regular hair! Lolll I can’t help it! Fucking allergies! I am just really comfortable with my body and bodies in general. He was also grossed out when he came on my stomach and I rubbed it all over my stomach. Really? Lol. Then I gave him a hug and that really grossed him out even more. Idk, it’s just cum? What the hell. Ugh maibstream hetero-normative men.
yeah sounds like you are way more comfortable with human bodies than he is. don’t let him bring you down! <3
This is inspiring. I haven’t shaved my rather impressive and lush pit tufts in years and years. I just stopped shaving em on an experimental lark and discovered I much preferred soft friction-free underarms than dealing with constant stubbly fuck-this. I’ve experienced the shock of onlookers and quiet murmur of confused disapproval or disgust. it gets old really fast. I’m sorry you’ve experienced brute force. that is fucked up, but you are so very rad for standing strong. Recently I’ve been considering giving in and shaving for the upcoming warm weather cause well, I eat a lot of garlic and spicy things and things can get rather…aromatic from time to time. but you’ve inspired me to stay with the minority and stand strong. I don’t fucking care. it’s part of my identity now and shaving would feel like a betrayal of my self. plus my lad really really loves it. <3
thanks for posting this!
thanks so much for the comment! i feel the same way, that not shaving has become a part of my identity and it would feel like self-betrayal to shave. i don’t wear antiperspirant and i ride my bike and skate all over the city. i sweat and sometimes i smell. but so do guys. i don’t know why i’m not allowed to smell, simply because i’m a girl. if you shower now and again you won’t smell too rank. and occasionally i’ll use some essential oils. but honestly, a little b.o. is not the end of the world. <3
Reminds me of when I used to go out with friends or family parties or some kind of social gathering where i was going to wear a dress or top- and i always had this feeling i had to shave otherwise i would get looks, or get the piss taken out of me, same with high school friends, sometimes i’d wonder why i was shaving, thinking that i was only doing it to make a good impression, aswell as shaving legs and plucking eyebrows.
i have this realisation because of the words
‘hair grows naturally on women’ … reinforces my feelings that i don’t need to do anything to my body just to fit in with whatever way other people are doing. I shave my armpits now just because i can make the underarms on clothes quite smelly after wearing them a couple of times- when i plan to wear something for maybe a week lol… Anyway thanks for sharing this story, you’re a fucking strong grrrl btw, take care <3 xxxx
thanks for sharing!! and thanks for the support! <3
Oh goodness I have a lot of respect for you.
I hate it so much when people (and even teachers!) talk about women from others cultures/ages (even our own) that don’t shave as ugly and undesireable. Like “lol no I think you and your strict expectations/gender norms suck”.
Thank you so much for sharing your story!
thanks!!
I’m not the most elegant, insightful, or articulate communicator but after reading yor story all I can say is YOU ARE SO BAD-ASS. Thank you for sharing your story.
thank you!! <3
Fuck, it’s just hair. It’s not going to make their penises fall off if they see it. What they did to you was disgusting.
Women being hairless is just another way of pornifying them and making them “fuckable” in this bloody patriarchy we live in. Hairy women totally challenge this and some people just find it too confronting.
Personally I find pit hair on women sexy and am enjoying keeping mine intact. Sing it sister, I say.
thanks for the support! i totally agree. fuck the haters. pit hair is hot.
When I read the whole paragraph of what happened to you on that show I felt (and I’m feeling) so fucking bad, I mean… people doing something like that, acting almost like animals? Really? It’s so awful…
But reading about how you love the hair in your armpits just made me think ”Oh, fuck, this girl is so amazing”. Beaing that brave, not caring about what other people say, and, most important, loving and knowing exactly who you are, I don’t know, it’s just great.
I have a friend that decided not to shave at all, and I envy that courage, because I fell kinda uncomfortable (which I hate) so, yeah, I shave. Even so, I shave just a few times (I don’t even bothered in doing it on winter and autumn) and In the summer I do it… just a few times.
So, just wanted to say that, and that I recently found this blog, and I think it’s great
thanks for the lovely and supportive comment. <3
I can’t believe how amazing you are… I am definitely in love with your blog!!! ^^
thanks, i’m glad you like it! <3
Holy crap, I don’t even have the words to describe the respect I have for you. Every day, I struggle against this constant disparaging pressure to compromise my beliefs and identity and I can’t tell you how much hope and strength the story of your MUCH more devastating struggle – and victory – give me. You’re truly inspirational. I’m in such awe over how you turned all that maliciousness and cruelty into pure courageousness. I really hope to garner as much individual strength as you one day. From one grrrl to another, this is a big fucking thank you for existing.
thanks so much for the comment! i’m a very spiritual person and always have been. and from a young age, when horrible things happened to me, i would despair over why. and i eventually came to realize that there were lessons for me in everything and that it was my job to take those lessons and put them to good use. <3
This is fucking rad. You are fucking rad. I remember when my mom told me I should start shaving my pits and legs when I was about 12 or 13, and I was utterly confused when she said I would probably be embarrassed in front of my friends if I didn’t. Literally the day before, I had sat in the back yard and compared leg hair length with my younger sister (mine was longer, I swear). Up until that point, I thought older womyn lost their leg and pit hair in the same way that older men went bald. I’m unshaven and unplucked now and more beautiful than ever. Thanks for this.
i wish it were just totally accepted! i hope one day the world gets to that point. i love being an example for other girls and women, showing that being unshaven is a real option. that we can be happy and beautiful and hairy too! <3
I feel like if you want to shave, shave. It’s a pain in the ass…or rather, the legs, to wear tights of skinny jeans with unshaved legs. And some people just like looking unhairy. Or unnatural. Or whatever. I feel naked without my curlies and fuzzies, no matter how much flack I catch. Sometimes people get really fucking angry, and it’s kind of funny. When people ask why I don’t shave, I tell them because I’ve tried a hundred times before but it always grows right back. And I totally lied, I plucked my one epic chin beard hair after a month or two so friends would stop snatching at my face. So I’m mostly unplucked I guess. This is still rad.
thanks for the comment. yeah, i agree, i have nothing against those who shave, it’s just not for me. i wear tights all the time and having leg hair doesn’t bother me. i realized recently that i have a long black hair growing out of the side of my face. it’s pretty amazing! lol.
(For some reason, when I tried to use the following reply to this post, I accidentally posted the reply under your previous post. It applies to both posts, though.)It’s funny that you posted this now, because I have been toying with the idea of not shaving my armpits anymore. Now, I have a big safety net: my husband doesn’t care. Usually I go for about two weeks of not shaving and then for some reason I shave them. The reason I want to stop shaving them is that I didn’t shave them as a teenager, even when people made fun of me, and I miss that about myself back then. I mean, I miss that I was my own person who didn’t care what other people thought. Not shaving, for me, would be like breathing life back into the free spirit I used to be. What a strange coincidence that I was thinking about not shaving my pits anymore and then I log in here to find you’d posted this! I’m still going to shave my legs and pluck my eyebrows, though. ;) It’s funny that making an effort to do something like shave one’s armpits is viewed as normal in our culture while not making the effort is what disgusts most people. I personally can’t look at a shaved armpit without imagining the person in the shower shaving his/her armpits. Just don’t hold it against me if I wimp out, or if i shave every once in a blue moon for certain occasions :)
hey! thanks for the comment! i would never judge you at all. it’s a totally personal decision. but yeah grrrl, go for it! nothing wrong with rocking the hairy pits! and i feel similarly, i like doing something that i know i am doing for ME. <3
I am making a series of photographs documenting the growing-in of my pit- hair. Judging by the way my hair grows in, I’ll probably be taking a picture a week. Do you want me to send you the photos once I feel the project is ready?
that’s awesome! i’d love to see them!
I dont have a problem with my own body hair, and I only shave if I know im going to be showing that bit of me off. I only shave so that people dont take the piss as I know full well they would (its a shame that this would include some close friends and family). Im not proud of the fact that I panda to other peoples expectations but I do it for an easier life. I wasnt bought up believing it to be a problem so I just dont care about it myself. My view is Im a mammal and it would be more abnormal if we didnt have hair!!
i totally understand. i would never judge a woman for choosing shave (or anyone for that matter) whether it be for survival reasons like avoiding harassment or whether it simply is a personal choice. and i certainly wouldn’t ask anyone to take on the level of harassment i have experienced. it has to be worth it for you. and for me, it is, despite everything. thanks for the comment. <3
you’re incredibly inspirational. thank you for sharing your story.
thanks! <3
first off, i’d like to say what a beautiful woman you are inside and out. second, armpit hair is no reason to beat someone up. i’m so sorry you had to go through that. it really angers me actually that people did nothing to help you. i admire your strength and am very greatful your spirit wasn’t broken by those who hurt you. i’ve been reading your work for a very long time (since 2003). you don’t know this, but you’re the reason i’m still alive today. i wanted to kill myself when i was 17, but your words encouraged me and made me feel like i wasn’t alone. thank you. from the bottom of my heart.
thank you for sharing and for yr kind words. i’ve been there myself, at a point where suicide seems like the only answer. i’m so glad we both found another way. <3